


"I know that."

by Ultimatum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Abuse, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, Victim Blaming, umm??? someone protect kyoutani okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:35:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8467351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatum/pseuds/Ultimatum
Summary: "It's not your fault."The bruise on Kyoutani's stomach starts to ache, and he swallows down the lump stuck in his throat. His words are thin and steely when dares to speak. "I know."





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey so like.............................. i was rewatching good will hunting, and that One Scene rlly inspired this. its a good movie,id highly recc it ! but here we go, time 2 Suffer B)
> 
> and yes yes the abusive father thing is overdone a lot but Do I Care? not rlly

They never really talk about it.

Of course, Yahaba wishes they could, more than anything, and wants to keep Kyoutani safe, more than anything, too. He knows that Kyoutani's father is a piece of garbage, and that he hurts him; Yahaba isn't stupid, he sees the bruises, the scrapes, all conveniently hidden under clothing and out of sight.

But whenever Yahaba brings it up, Kyoutani gets defensive and angry, and always ends up running off before they can talk. It makes something in Yahaba ache, knowing that his boyfriend keeps so many pent up emotions inside of him. That he's so afraid of admitting to himself that he's being _hurt_ that he has to run from any sort of mentioning of the topic. So Yahaba leaves it alone. Tentatively.

This all changes on the first day of break after their second year, suddenly and with no warning.

They had made plans to go out running, Yahaba thinks, as he waits at the bus stop on his corner. Kyoutani is late, and though he expects to feel angry that he was left without even a text explaining what had happened, Yahaba only feels a worry he can't place beginning to itch at him.

He calls Kyoutani twice, and both times, it goes to voicemail. Yahaba can hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears, though he tries to reason within himself that everything is fine. It's only eight in the morning, maybe Kyoutani overslept, maybe the bus was late, maybe his phone broke, maybe there was nothing to worry about, but Yahaba can't stop thinking about what may have happened.

Maybe Kyoutani's father really messed him up, and Kyoutani is alone and in pain, either too stubborn to call for help or too hurt to try. Yahaba's head starts to feel cold as he tries to get a grip of himself. What should he do? What can he do?

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears someone walk up behind him.

"Sorry I'm late."

Yahaba turns on his heels so quickly he almost trips over, but tries to regain some composure as soon as he sees that Kyoutani is safe, he's _safe_ it's okay.

"Shigeru? You okay?"

The gruffness of Kyoutani's voice soothes Yahaba, and he releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Yeah. Sorry. What happened?"

"Nothing, really. But, uh." Kyoutani scuffs his shoe in the dirt lightly. "Could we just go back to your house? I don't think I'm up for running today."

Yahaba replies with an "Of course," as they walk down the street and strike up some casual conversation. He studies Kyoutani in his peripheral. He... Seems fine? At first. When they get to his house, however, Yahaba catches him poking at his ribs and pulling a face when he thinks Yahaba isn't looking.

They make it to Yahaba's room and there's a beat of silence until Kyoutani speaks, but it's quiet, hesitant, and unusual to Yahaba's ears. "Hey, do you have any bandages I can use?"

Yahaba's breath gets caught in his throat, and sadness swells in his chest. "Ken. What did he do?"

Kyoutani looks away from him resolutely, and Yahaba sighs. "Yeah. One second, I'll go get them."

Kyoutani waits while he's gone, guilt gnawing at him. He really didn't want to come here, to push his problems on Yahaba. But he had no choice, and he's already regretting it. How could he be such an idiot?

When he comes back, Kyoutani is still looking at the floor, and as he passes the first aid kid over, no words are exchanged. At first, Kyoutani does nothing with it, but after a minute or so, he taps his fingers against the lid and speaks with a conversational tone, as if they were discussing the weather. "He found out about the gay thing."

Another pause. Kyoutani's face is etched with shame.

Anxiety and sympathy claw at Yahaba's stomach. "Ken-"

"I'm going to go to the bathroom for this," Kyoutani motions to the first aid kit, and suddenly, he's gone, and stays gone for almost a half an hour. In that time, Yahaba furrows his eyebrows and thinks about how much he'd like to punch that asshole in the face for giving Kyoutani anything less than the love he deserved.

When Kyoutani returns, he refuses to look at Yahaba, and stays almost deathly silent. His hands clench in the bedsheets when he sits down and Yahaba hates that he can see bruises on his knuckles already turning purple.

"Are you okay?"

Kyoutani grunts, nodding, and shrugs. "Honestly, I had it coming."

Time seems to freeze, and cold horror drenches Yahaba as soon as the words leave his mouth. "Wait. What?"

"I left my phone unlocked. He saw our texts." Kyoutani pulls his lips into a line and forces his face into a smooth look of neutrality. "I was careless, so it happened. But it's fine. He knows, but now I don't have to tell him, at least."

How can he think like this? He gets the shit beaten out of him just because he's dating another boy and Kyoutani has the audacity to blame himself for it? To claim that he could've somehow prevented it from happening?

Yahaba puts a hand near his on the bed, hovering, not quite touching, but desperately wishing to. "You... Kyoutani... You know this isn't your fault, right?"  
He hums in response, and an icy feeling burns in Yahaba's stomach as the silence drags on. Kyoutani scratches his neck and looks at the ground resolutely. "Yeah. I know that."

At the thought of being confronted about his father, Kyoutani's shoulders tense, and he tries to ignore the sick feeling that's starting to make his hands shaky. He balls them up to hide the tremors and steels his face, like he's used to, tightens his lips into a schooled look of nonchalance, like he's always done to survive.

Yahaba just moves a little bit closer to him, his voice soft and gentle. Like he knows what's going on, like he understands how useless Kyoutani feels just by looking at him. "Ken."

He gets a grunt in response, and Yahaba feels his heart split clean in half.

"Ken, look at me."

He does, slowly, trying to make himself look less vulnerable than he feels. Why'd he get himself into this situation? He just wants to leave, why is he ruining Yahaba's life with his stupid problems, why can't he be strong enough to hide all of this, why--

"It's not your fault."

The bruise on Kyoutani's stomach starts to ache, and he swallows down the lump stuck in his throat. His words are thin and steely when dares to speak. "I know."

"No, You don't." Yahaba's eyes burn into him, but Kyoutani doesn't dare to look up. He feels Yahaba scoot nearer to him, the sheets shifting under them. "It's not your fault."

Kyoutani feels betrayed by his body when his face starts getting hot. The effort it takes not to punch something turns out to be momentous, as it feels as if there's a balloon in his chest, just about to pop. That would make him just as bad as his father, though, and the hatred he feels towards himself grows with each passing second he stays silent. "I _know_ that."

"No, no. Kentarou. _It's not your fault_."

He starts to feel panicked and trapped, like he can't run away, like he has no control over this, even though Yahaba would never hurt him. Shifting, he looks up at Yahaba quickly before shaking his head. He tries for a reassuring smile as his panic mounts, but it ends up pulling into a grimace as he puts some distance between them out of habit, scooting up against the wall. "I know."

Of course it's his fault, can't Yahaba see that? He was stupid, he left his phone out on the counter, he was practically begging his dad to snoop. Besides, he's always been a volatile kid. Just his personality warrants his father treating him like he does, Kyoutani reasons, he doesn't even need to _do_ anything to deserve this.

"It's not your fault."

"Yeah."

"It's not your fault."

A quick and desperate laugh leaves him, as if he's trying to convince Yahaba that he's being ridiculous about this. Stop talking about it, stop talking about it, stop talking about it. "Alright."

Climbing desperation grips at his throat. He feels Yahaba get closer until soft hands are being placed on his shoulders. Gentle, caring, _loving_ in a way that cuts deep. Kyoutani is falling apart in Yahaba's bed like a fucking mess, he can't pull himself together, and the pity he gets hurts more than any strike he could have gotten from his father, heavier than any insult.

"It's not your-"

Kyoutani shoves Yahaba off of him, keeping his eyes down as they burn, and the loud thump of his boyfriend hitting the floor makes his hands tingle. He feels like his father, he's doomed to become his father, he _hurts_ people, just like him. Can't Yahaba see that? He must. He has too. This is all just a huge fucking joke to make Kyoutani feel like an idiot, to trick him into thinking someone cares about him. It has to be, no one cared before this, so why now?  
But deep down, he knows Yahaba isn't that cruel.

He would never toy with his emotions. The realization makes Kyoutani's eyes water, but stubbornness keeps any tears from escaping.

"Don't fuck with me," Kyoutani says, tremors making his voice sound watery and strained. "Don't you fuck with me, Shigeru." He's lived his whole life justifying what his father has done, he's gone years listing reasons in his head, reasons that he deserves to be hit and kicked and beat; he can't just leave all of that behind. He can't do it. He's rude, he's selfish, he's too emotionally charged, he must have done _something_ to deserve this.

Kyoutani is afraid. He's afraid that all of this was done to him just because his dad felt like it.

He's afraid that he isn't the terrible person he's been told he was all this time.

While he traps himself in his own thoughts, Yahaba stands and grimaces when he sees Kyoutani's face, frozen with guilt, a faraway look in his eyes. He's staring at his shaking hands, eyes shining and breathing becoming labored, and Yahaba wants nothing more than to scream at Kyoutani's father for doing this to him. For hurting a child, for not supporting him. God, he's going to call the cops on that bastard as soon as this is settled.

But taking care of Kyoutani comes first, Yahaba reasons, his heart in his throat as he approaches. He can't imagine why Kyoutani would blame himself for this, why he would think that he would _ever_ deserve anything less than love; frankly, it makes him want to cry just thinking about it. He can barely help as it is, and it hurts.

When he steps closer, Kyoutani's head shoots up, and he stands so fast that he nearly falls over. Yahaba catches him edging towards the door, but when they lock eyes, it falls silent and still, until Yahaba walks to him again and reaches out to hold Kyoutani's hand. Yahaba can hear his breathing get thinner and less composed, and he puts all of his sincerity into a tight hand squeeze, and one last assurance.

"It's not your fault."

He sees Kyoutani's last shred of composure crumble, and a small sob bubbles up from him. His hand swipes at his eyes and he hides his blotchy face with a hand, his shoulders drawn up. When another cry comes from him, Kyoutani tries to hide his face, ashamed, but Yahaba closes the space between them and wraps his arms around him.

If possible, this makes Kyoutani cry harder, and a muffled "Oh god," comes from where his head is lodged against Yahaba's neck. The latter steers them to his bed and lays down, pulling him on top of his lap, and he hears another stuttered "Oh-- oh _god_ ," come from Kyoutani, as if he just can't believe it, before he dissolves into silent sobs, his face hidden in Yahaba's shirt, shoulders shuttering and breath staggered.

Yahaba lets him cry, stroking his back with little to no pressure, letting Kyoutani know he can leave if he needs to, that he isn't trapped in his arms, that he's loved and he's safe.

"I-" Kyoutani's hands fist themselves in Yahaba's shirt as he tries to talk around his tears. "Fuck. I must look really pathetic right now."

"No, idiot. Crying is good for you." Yahaba rakes his fingers through Kyoutani's hair, and his next sentence is softer. "It's not good to lock your emotions up."

"I guess."

They fall into another silence, punctuated only by Kyoutani's periodic sniffles and hiccups as he fails to keep his crying silent. He shakes in Yahaba's arms, and is met with quiet support.

After a while, though, Kyoutani groans and rolls over onto Yahaba's bed. "Fuck. I think I gave myself a migraine."

"Here. I'll go get some water and Tylenol."

When Kyoutani tries to sit up and follow him, Yahaba pushes him back down. "Nope. You stay here and get some rest, I'll do it."

Kyoutani stares at the bedsheets, but nods, kicking off his shoes and settling under the covers.

When Yahaba comes back, he turns off the light and grabs his laptop from his desk. He hands the glass of water and the medicine to Kyoutani, who grunts in thanks, and settles next to him. "What movie do you want to watch?"

"Can we just watch Dogs 101? I don't think i can pay attention to a movie right now."

Yahaba smiles fondly when he hears the grumble from his side, and nods, turning on the computer. "Of course."

A beat of silence. The whirring of his laptop fan interrupts them. "Kentarou?"

"Hm."

"Don't go back."

Kyoutani looks at him pointedly, confused, doubtful, and Yahaba grabs his hand under the covers.

"Stay with us. It'll be okay. I just-" Yahaba takes a deep breath, not wanting to cry when he needs to be strong for his boyfriend, and breaths out. "I can't stand seeing you hurting anymore. You shouldn't deal with this alone. Or at all."

Kyoutani elbows him in the side, but settles against him soon after. "You're a huge hypocrite, saying it's bad to lock up emotions. If you need to cry, do it, asshole." After another second of silence, he sighs. "Shigeru. I'll- Let's talk about it later, okay? Thank you though. For everything."

A single tear rolls down Yahaba's cheek and he scrubs it off. "Fuck you, I'm worried. But okay. I'm here for you," he pecks Kyoutani's cheek and closes his eyes, letting his nose rest in his hair for a few seconds before pulling away. "And don't thank me, it really is no problem. You'd do the same thing for me, wouldn't you?"

Kyoutani makes a face. "Of course I would, but-" He almost catches himself saying _But I'm not you, I'm just me_ , but cuts himself off, knowing Yahaba doesn't like it when he talks about himself like that.

Yahaba catches it, though, like he always does, and squeezes his hand. "Let's start watching the show, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I love you, Ken."

"I love you too, shithead."

Softer. "Everything will be okay."

Another tear, unbidden. "Yeah. Thanks, Shigeru."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3


End file.
